Otome Game Review: Yo-Jin-Bo: The Body Guards

Intro: Sayori finds some gross-ass pendant and Hatsuhime’s ghost appears begging Sayori to save her life 150 years ago. Now Sayori’s living as Hatsuhime trying to survive an assassination attempt-but that’s okay cuz her guards are hot! And know way too many puns they shouldn’t know at all rofl. The routes start after Sayori is split up between the guards.

Final thoughts below

Yozaburo Shiranui: Yo shields Sayori from a bullet and Mon Mon stitches his wounds while he’s conscious. She wakes up to Yo crying for his mom. Sayori doesn’t know what to do so pretends she’s his mom to comfort him. He wakes up all you totally held my hand 😉

They’re nearly to the castle when Kasumimaru: gay-for-Harumoto, arrives and Mon Mon fights him. But Nobumasa-Harumoto’s bro-is waiting for them.

End 1: Sayori pretends to be Yo’s sis and he tells Nobusama Ohno lol that a witch lured them into her gingerbread house. The plan goes to shit when he tries to hunt down the witch. Yo kills him and gets Sayori back to her castle. Sayori’s pulled back to her world but can’t remember anything because the pendant fucking broke. Great, Sayori -_- Hatsuhime explains what happened and Yo leaves because it’s too painful to see her because Sayori isn’t the princess ಥ_ಥ

End 2: Sayori pretends to be his mom but they’re found out and Yo kills Nobumasa. Everything seems fine but Harumoto whisks her to the roof intending to nice boat themselves. Yo tries to stop him and Sayori shoves Harumoto off the roof and his fireworks sent him to his death.

Hatsu lol was in the pendant this whole time! She’s all FLY PRETTY BOY and they do so Spirited-Away-Style except they kiss unlike Haku and Chihiro then crash through a tree (*´艸`*)

Hatsu’s bodyswapped with Mon Mon who transfers into Sayori’s mind. Hatsu’s all Hell Yes because now that she’s a man she has privileges! Sayori is now the princess and stalks Yo during her wedding but he jumps her thinking she’s an enemy. She won’t marry a stranger cuz she loves Yo. She’s all can u get off ma boobs plz? and he goes NOPE and they kiss.

He asks if he can ❤ her for forever and they can kiss again (✿◕///ᵜ///◕) and it was a great route. Can we please applaud Morita because damn he was fantastic!

Jinnosuke Murasame: Never gets invited to parties and is horrible with women. He’s a peasant deredere who learned sword fighting through the POWER OF SOUL. When Hatsuhime’s been abducted, he’s all fuck YAS because she might reward him with a kiss.

After splitting up, Muneshige becomes depressed because she kissed Ittosai on the cheek “for motivation” and tries to get Jin to convince her to kiss him too. Idfk how but she gets bit by a snake and is all Oh my leg burns DERP and Jin makes her lie down to suck out the poison. He tries to make a tourniquet but the situation looks really suggestive so Mune’s like wtf are you doing to my 姫さまああああ?

Jin confesses he felt weird between the princess’s legs and he wanted a kiss so Mune falcon-punches him.

Mune stays behind to fight gay-for-Harumoto while Sayori and Jin roll around in the grass and he’s all let’s not go back. WUT. Since when? Nobumasa strolls in like that final boss you’ve been grinding and stuff to get to but HE’S JUST A LIE cuz lol sucka you still have one more guy to fight !

End 1: Sayori says she’s Jin’s wife and he freaks out lol smooth dude, and so he kills Nobumasa then leaves the country because their stations are too different.

End 2: Show down with Harumoto who ends up thanking Sayori for being kind wtf before he dies. Jin and Sayori warp back to her time and find each other in the streets and start making out in the middle of traffic. Takahashi sure did a great job with those sound effects if you know what I mean. ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Tainojo Tsubaki: “Would you like to see my Mr. Elephant?” ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) was such a disappointment!! The only thing that happened during his route was him emoing about how women only loved him for his bishounen qualities and didn’t value his super otaku interests in UFOs and the paranormal.

End 1: They confess to each other and then Sayori’s pulled right back to her world -_-

End 2: Sayori somehow travels back to Bo’s world and he just KNOWS who she is the moment he goes home to find some stranger in his home because LOVE. Lamest route ever.

At least it was better than Suien in Nise no Chigiri cuz Bo was funny.

Ittosai Tatsunami: Megane-assassin with the worst life of the cast rofl. I didn’t think I’d like him tbh cuz he was some psychopath but after you get to know him better ( ˘ ³˘)♥

Poor guy’s dad was a douche who saw his son had some mad skillz with fighting so he gets the BRILLIANT IDEA to punch him, kick him, and abuse him because….well, idk. Make him stronger? しょうがないよ！His mom and sis left and he blames himself for causing them to leave so he doesn’t want to get close to anyone because they’ll just abandon him.

End 1: Sayori doesn’t follow his advice and just as they confess, she’s whisked back to her world while he’s breaking down because everyone he loves LEAVES HIM ಥ_ಥ

End 2: She follows his advice and Ittosai one-shots Harumoto and while she’s all soooo I’m not really Hatsuhime, the roof explodes. The guy stabs his sword into the brick wall and stops their fall like holy shiet. He’s all cool about it and then they totally make out in the middle of this fire and did I mention HE TORE THE FREAKING TOWER DOWN?

Looks like we got a badass over here. Oh and he’s also a tsundere soooooo yeah ❤

Hatsuhime’s all Yo I hate my world so you can stay here and Sayori’s so thirsty she agrees. The two go on a journey with frequent make out sessions 😉

Monzan Kadokura:  Mon Mon is the pervy Monk who honestly was there for….well Idk. All of the characters provide some comedy (even Ittosai) so I was so confused because Mon Mon added nothing but a weird ending.

His younger bro was killed by a dude he bested in a competition and Mon Mon was framed for his murder. Before he offed himself a monk took him in.

End 1: Sayori returns to her world where she runs into Hatsuhime’s descendants. Every generation the children were named after her body guards…all so Sayori could read a letter Hatsuhime wrote her. Which makes no damn sense when in the other ending she has POWERS that could let her communicate with Sayori. Or bring her back. But no, gotta do this the hard way.

The only good this did was prove that Hatsuhime and Muneshige are canon. Like can we please talk about the glaring chemistry between these two?? And the fact that the writers totally butchered Muneshige’s route because HE LOVED HER BUT NO GOTTA LIE ABOUT DAT IN HIS ROUTE.

End 2: Sayori goes back but Hatsuhime’s all this world sucks so let’s bring Sayori back so we can switch places! They move to the New World where they set up a business and Mon Mon buys her a ring. It was pretty cute not gonna lie but WHY DID THEY FALL IN LOVE?!

I don’t fucking understand. One moment they’re travelling and the next Sayori trades her whole life to live with this moe-perv. I just can’t even.

Muneshige Tsukuba: Hatsuhime’s loyal vassal and these two are in total denial. They bicker, they care about each other, and everything feels soooo right with these two.

It was great until end 2…I mean don’t get me wrong, his route was great.

End 1: Muneshige locks himself in like a NEET because he can’t fall in love with the princess so Sayori goes to check on him. They confess their feelings and then she disappears.

End 2: Harumoto reveals that the reason he took her to the tower was because a prophet told him that if he took her with him, he could go to her world and rewrite history. But this prophet never shows up rofl so we have to assume that Sayori has all this power….and yet she can’t return to their world or hers when she wants?

Mune tells Sayori he never loved Hatsuhime cuz he wasn’t allowed to so when Sayori came to their world it was like BAM the FEELS so he falls in love with her. -_- NO. You loved Hatsuhime lol it was practically spelled out in the other routes dude. Quit your lying.

They marry and dear Lord in Heaven this man needs to keep his hair down. HNNNGGHH

Club Yo-Jin-Bo: Sayori is literally is dumped into Ouran Host Club with the guys who somehow made it to her world. It’s basically the closest we’ll ever get to a fandisc so it was great.

 

Final Thoughts:

Holy shit that was so fun! After Dialovers and Amnesia I seriously needed this game. Which only makes this new revelation that much worse because remember how I keep stressing that you need to support otoge and not STEAL?!!

Well, so many people pirated this game so Hirakemi was forced into bankruptcy which is a damn shame because this was such a great game. And this game is ridiculously OOP so good luck getting a physical copy.

You can still purchase the digital version but guys, GUYS stealing is bad. You might think one little “free game” won’t do anything bad….-_- Otome games are already a very niche market so already that’s one disadvantage.

I get it-these games are expensive but just save up. Otherwise another company might just burn.

Sound: Great. The music fit every vibe but personally I adored the character songs, my favorite being “Rejection Blues” by Jinnosuke. The romantic song was sooooo good. OP wasn’t my fav but I loved the good end ED song. And those kiss scenes sure worked well 😉

Apparently this was all recorded in a sound studio so damn. I honestly couldn’t tell because the seiyuu were so talented. 

System: Timed choices, easy interface with no bugs. No skip-to-next-choice.

Art: Very good though the HANDS. And those yaoi faces… Because this is an old game, I did see some grain in the background but the characters were fine.

There’s not really a recommended route order because the plot is practically nonexistent, though if you want to save the most “spoilery” for last, then save Muneshige for last. I’d recommend doing the trio first on the cover and then go for either Mon Mon-to get him out of the way because WHAT WAS HIS ROUTE EVEN FOR? -or Ittosai’s.

I adored Yo’s route omg. Like it was so fluffy and just fun!! I loved it. Muneshige was fantastic as well and Ittosai you poor baby!!

My isssues with the game really come down to the fact that they replaced Hatsuhime with Sayori. Seriously, you get drawn into Hatsuhime’s POV because GURL IS BOSS (and is voiced) and then lol gotta go with damsel in distress. 

Now I get it-different cultures and time period but none of the guys loved Hatsuhime until Sayori made her simmer down and become this docile, meek, traditional “ideal Japanese woman”? 

Which sucks because Hatsuhime was vastly more interesting, entertaining, and kicked ass. Gurl ruled. Sayori’s not bad I guess. She’s not stupid but dear GAWD is she weak and timid and just boring. I’d prolly be the same way but damn did they beat you over the head with “subservient woman gets the man!”

These samurai shouldn’t know what Pokemon is so there really was no reason to replace Hatsuhime. Like WTAF?

It’s a shame Hirameki went under because a fandisc would’ve been great. We’d actually learn about Sayori and her harem. But thanks to pirating, we’ll never get that.

Overall, highly recommended if you want a hilarious game with romance and action that doesn’t take itself srly because you shouldn’t play this for plot. And tons of anime/games/etc puns because there are sooooo many of them. 

Can be purchased here digitally

What did you think of Yo-Jin-Bo? Do you know any otoge focused on comedy and romance?

If you like what you see please follow or share! Thank you!